It's been a while to be honest since I've done anything related to spacehey or this website
The truth about it is, I sort of relapsed into a bit of a depression just after christmas, so my motivation to create or do anything were down the shitter.
For a while, I sort of just spent my days doing shit, and then sitting by my pc and doing nothing. I played a few games, but they were mostly just to pass the time.
Games like GTAV or whatever. I didn't really have the energy to do anything more creative. But I've been trying to change that up so I'm back at my y2k maxxing
Literally just started again during the past few days. Started playing the ps2 again, trying to play guitar again, and now working on my website.
I think it's important for people to recognise that sometimes you can dig yourself into a deep dark pit of dispair, and lose your interests. A few years ago
there was quite a big event that shifted my life in a way, some of you may know about it but I won't go into detail here. After that happened, and actually
just before it did, I found myself drifting away from myself. I have always been emo, but I ended up pushing myself into a culture I wasn't entirely part of.
I was trying to be someone respectable, even when I had no need to be. I leaned heavily into the 80s for inspiration of masculinity and fashion. And although
I still love the 80s, and I still have a lot of 80s stuff, I think it was a bit of an escape for me. I was trying to be someone else, instead of just being myself.
I think that was a big part of why I ended up in a bit of a hole. Now for the past two yeaars or so, I've been back to how I feel I'm meant to be.
This current relapse reminded me of that, except to a far lesser extent. I think it's just a normal part of life to have ups and downs, and to lose motivation sometimes.
But it's important to remember that it's not permanent, and that you can always find your way back to yourself.
My current spat of depression came to a head a few days ago, and now I'm in the proccess of getting back on meds and trying to focus on calming and relaxing interests in
my down time. Not only does it help me relax, but doing creative things even if they aren't the most difficult, makes me feel like I'm doing something with my time,
and that I'm not just wasting it. I think that's really important for mental health, to feel like you're doing something with your time, even if it's just a small thing.
So if anyone is reading this, and they maybe feel like their life is pointless, or they don't have any motivation to do anything, or they can't do anything. Try and think about it like this instead: Anything can become a hobby. Don't compare yourself to other people, don't create a vision of what you think other people may find cool or interesting. Engage with the shit that interests you specifically. If you love makeup, go and use that makeup even if you're not going anywhere or doing anything. If you love art, try and find something new or familiar that will motivate you to draw more. If you love music, you don't even have to do anything "productive" like learning an instrument, you can do small things like exploring new bands or creating your own library of music files separate from the big corporations (It's as simple as downloading the files dude).
Anyway, as for what I'm aiming to do now. I've got a few ideas rattling around in my head: I plan to work on this site more, I want to create all the pages in the nav bar. I also want
to continue working on my short story series Blood and Static. I have to create a page for that, and once I've added Chapter 1 and 2 to that page, I can work on chapter 3 finally.
I've started work on my album again, even though it's still currently one song, it's something I can work on over time. And I finally have been having an idea for a game that
has lingered in my brain for a while, so I want to work on that as well.
If you give a shit about any of that, or you want to see any of it, keep checking back at my blogs because I'll be sharing progress on various projects.
Or, you might not hear for me again for a while if I've burnt out again. I'll try and write another blog soon, so until then I'll see you around.